Cordy!
by Admiral
Summary: An episode of Actress Cordelia's show in three acts. COMPLETE!
1. Act 1, Intro

**Disclaimer:** Angel and all related characters are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions, Inc., Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises and Twentieth Century-Fox Television. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.

**Author's Note:** "Birthday" gave me kind of a weird idea. This story is based on the show Actress Cordelia might have had in the Alternate Universe, so it's heavily AU itself. It's not a real script format, but it's written in realtime and there are some additions that will give you the simulated feel of watching a TV show. Feedback appreciated, even if you hate it.

* * *

**Cordy!**

**By Darrin Colbourne**

_"'Cordy!' follows the traditions of many sitcoms that have taken a hilarious look at the inner workings of Hollywood. Cordelia Chase plays Cordy Chapman, a young, ambitious writer for a popular teen horror drama, who spends her days trying to survive cutthroat bosses, zany co-workers, and the flighty machinations of Sarah (Sarah Michelle Gellar, portraying Herself in a recurring role), the star of the fictional drama, and her free time trying to balance the madness with quality time with her boyfriend, Jake (David Boreanaz). The core cast has a great chemistry and is led ably by Chase, and with a popular screen and TV actress like Gellar adding star power to the ensemble the WB may have finally struck gold. 'Cordy!' looks to be one of the big hits of the new season"_

_--TV Guide, Fall Preview Issue_

_"Cordy! (WB) (TV14) (CC): Cordy has her sights set on a big future after she lands a famous guest star for the show (Hinton Battle), but Sarah's clumsiness could bring her dreams crashing to the ground. Sarah: Sarah Michelle Gellar."_

_--TV Guide listing_

* * *

_Intro Scene, Opening Credits roll:_

It's late evening, and Cordy and her boyfriend Jake walk into a busy music store. Cordy starts looking around as Jake speaks:

"Okay, explain it to me again." He says. "Why can't your boss buy his own CDs?"

"I told you I'm not just buying CDs." She says. "The boss asked all the writers to help him out with some music ideas for a special episode so I suggested he might get inspired by listening to a variety of new music. He liked the idea and told me to go with it, so that's why we're here." She picks up a CD and examines it. "Maybe he can use this one for inspiration."

Jake looks over her shoulder at it and chuckles. "Oh, yeah. I can just see the most whitebread cast on the network getting their 'Freak' on to Snoop Dogg."

Cordy gets an exasperated look and gives him a light backhand to the gut. "Can't you stop riding my work for two minutes?"

"I'm sorry, Cordy. Look, I know you're a terrific writer. I just wish you had a better showcase for your talent. That show is drek. The characters are all stereotypes and they all have such non-problems, and it's all part of the least realistic premise I've ever heard of."

"Why does everything have to be so realistic with you? Y'know, you might be a happier person if you added a little operatic drama to your work."

"Cordy, I direct documentaries for PBS! What am I supposed to do, say 'Hey, destitute farmers! Couldja try to look even more disconsolate and try not to cry until we're halfway through the tour of your barren fields? My girlfriend thinks it would add some operatic drama to the installment of 'Frontline' we're doing about your plight!'"

"Oh, stop it!" She scolds as she puts the CD down. "I keep telling you that the horrors they face each week are metaphors for what all young people face in the world. Bullies, peer pressure, addiction, grief, loss--we cover more real anguish in one episode than 'Frontline' covers in a season. We just do it with prettier people and lots of cartoon-like violence."

"Makes you wonder why you don't win more Emmys, huh?" Jake says, then chuckles as Cordy shakes her head and continues her search. She picks up another CD and looks it over.

"It's jazz." She says. "I love listening to this stuff but I'm no expert on it." She spots someone else looking at other jazz CDs nearby and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, how much do you know about jazz?

"I've been known to dabble in it now and then." The man says as he turns, and Cordy's eyes go wide when she realizes who it is.

"Oh my God! You're Hinton Battle! I'm such a huge fan! I've followed your career since you did 'The Wiz' here in L.A.! Stupid me! Of course, you know everything about jazz! And singing, and modern dance and on and on!"

"Well, not everything." Hinton says. "I'm still trying to figure out how Michael Bolton got to be such a household name."

Cordy chuckles as she introduces herself. "I'm Cordy Chapman. This is my boyfriend Jake Parsons."

"What are you doing nowadays?" Jake asks.

"Mainly I teach song and dance courses here in L.A., but I'm also working on a one man show that I'd like to bring to the stage."

"Are you looking for music for that now?" Cordy asks.

"No, I just come here to keep up on the competition. It's cheaper than bugging all their studios and paying their agents for information."

Everyone chuckles at that, until Cordy's eyes go wide again. "Wait a minute! I've just had a vision!"

"Uh-oh! Stand back, Hinton! This could get ugly!" Jake says with mock seriousness.

"You keep out of this! Hinton, you've done some television, right?"

"Some, yes."

"How'd you like a guest appearance on a top-rated show? I think you'd be perfect for an episode of the show I write for, 'Buffy, The Vampire Slayer'!"

"Never heard of it. What's it about?"

Cordy and Jake just stand for a moment looking at each other, then at Hinton, then Jake speaks before Cordy can.

"Does the phrase 'self-explanatory' mean anything to you?"

Cordy swats him in the back of the head, then talks to Hinton. "It's about an average girl who finds out she's destined to protect the world from evil--well, mainly vampires, but other stuff, too. We're working on a musical episode right now, and I think..."

"Wait a second." Hinton says. "A vampire slayer musical?"

"See? Gettin' ugly." Jake says.

"Ignore him," Cordy says, then gives Hinton a business card. "And don't say 'no' yet. That has the address of my company on it. Come in, talk with Joss, hear his plans for the episode. I guarantee you won't be disappointed."

"Well..." Hinton says, "how can I say 'no' to such a pretty face. I'll look into it."

"Beautiful!" Cordy says, beaming. "I'll see you there." With that, Hinton heads off, leaving Cordy and Jake alone.

"Honey," Cordy says, still smiling, "you are looking at the next Story Editor on 'Buffy'! This find is going to be my ticket up!"

"Oh, sure!" Jake says. "And what better way to boost a man's career than by putting him in bad makeup and having him dance around with tone-deaf pretty people engaging in cartoon-like violence? It's a win-win situation!"

She hits him again as they exit the music store.

_Cue theme (Short 'Bumper' version), cut to commercial_


	2. Act 2, Scene 2

**Disclaimer:** Angel and all related characters are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions, Inc., Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises and Twentieth Century-Fox Television. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.

**Author's Notes:** Thanks for the reviews! I know it might be confusing at first but the trick is to not think too hard about either show. Just concentrate on this being Cordy!

* * *

**Cordy!**

**By Darrin Colbourne**

_Scene Two:_

The next morning Beth and Tucker, members of Cordy's writing team, are in the Writers' "Bullpen" at Mutant Enemy Productions. The room is furnished with four desks with flatscreen desktop computers, a round meeting table, various file cabinets and office equipment and Buffy posters on the walls, each bearing a different likeness of Sarah. Beth, a 22-year-old newcomer from Iowa, and Tucker, a 26-year-old African-American from Philadelphia who's been with the show for three seasons, are seated at the meeting table going over a new story treatment as their 16-year-old intern Nigel walks in with coffee. Cordy rushes in and heads straight to her desk and starts looking for something in the drawers. Beth and Tucker smile at her.

"Hey, Idea Girl!" Tucker says. "How's it going up there?"

Cordy pauses for a moment and smiles back. "Great, Tucker, just great! Hinton loves Joss, Joss loves Hinton, they both love the idea of working on the musical together...it's just one big scary love-fest up there! I just came down to get some ideas I jotted down last week."

As Cordy resumes her search, Beth says "This is going to be a great episode all around!" This makes Cordy pause and she and Tucker look at her strangely. "I mean it! This could start a whole new trend. I mean this time around it's Hinton Battle, but maybe we could do another musical with someone like Christian Kane, or Mandy Moore...or maybe not a whole musical, but one dance number with a big music or dance star. That we could do every now and then, like every three or four episodes!"

Cordy and Tucker just keep looking at her for a moment, then Tucker says "So, your idea of improving the series is turning 'Buffy, The Vampire Slayer' into 'The Drew Carey Show'?"

Cordy shakes her head and resumes her search. "Beth, we're not doing this again! It'll be torture enough listening to Sarah, Allyson and everybody else mangle the melody that will go with the tortuous lyrics Joss is writing once. If we inflict a show like this on the fans every month they'll stab wooden stakes through our hearts!"

"Excuse me, Ms. Chapman," Nigel says, "but if you don't like the episode, why do you care about it succeeding so much?"

"I care about me succeeding, Nigel," she says, "so if I have to find the perfect guest star and be a cheerleader for one of the worst concepts we've ever developed just to make sure my star rises, then hand me my pom-poms and call me Miss Talent Scout!" She pulls some typed pages out of a drawer. "Here we go!"

As she gets ready to leave, the last member of the team, 24-year-old Martin, rushes into the "Bullpen" with a frantic look on his face. He goes immediately to Cordy's desk.

"Cordy! We've got problems!"

"What? Did one of the demons break her nail and rush off to the manicurist?" She chuckles.

"Worse! It's Sarah!"

"Sarah's always worse. You've got to be more specific."

"Okay, how about this? She did a 'Keri Russell'!"

"Excuse me?"

"Hello, everyone!" Sarah sings as she enters with a big grin. She does a couple of turns to display her new do, which is almost shoulder length. "Don't you just love it?"

Cordy doesn't. Her eyes are wide open and her throat is caught. Finally she manages to breathe: "You cut your hair!"

"Uh-huh! Isn't it great?" Sarah says.

This time Cordy says it through her teeth. "YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!"

"Uh, yeah. Know that. There when it happened."

"Sarah! You can't just up and cut your hair! It's the middle of the season! How are we supposed to explain Buffy all of a sudden having short hair??"

"Just figure out an excuse for it in the script for Episode 11."

"We're in the middle of filming EPISODE TEN!! When Joss finds out he's gonna freak! You are in sooo much trouble!"

"Actually, I already showed it to Joss. I showed him in his office just before he went to a meeting with...'Hinky Batton' or somebody."

Cordy puts her head in her hand. "'Hinton Battle', you bimbo eruption!" She looks at Sarah. "I bet Joss read you the riot act, didn't he?"

"No, we talked and he decided he loved it! So there!" Sarah says, then sticks her tongue out at Cordy.

"But he wouldn't have done that to us unless...you threatened to walk out on your contract, didn't you?"

"And I cried. Never underestimate the persuasiveness of a good cry."

Martin manages to keep Cordy from lunging at Sarah and trying to strangle the actress, but just barely. Tucker jumps up to lend him a hand. "Whoa! Hold on, sweetheart!" Tucker says to Cordy. "Take it easy. Okay, first thing: You need to get your money back on those Anger Management courses!"

"Y'know, I don't see what the problem is!" Sarah says, trying to keep away from Cordy. "Your hair is short!"

"I think your hair is beautiful like that, Ms. Gellar." Nigel says, longingly. Sarah immediately perks up and gives him a wide grin.

"Why, thank you," she says patting her hair up. "You're very observant."

Cordy relaxes enough so that Martin and Tucker can relax their grip, but she hits Nigel with an icy stare. "Nigel," she says, "wipe the drool off your chin and keep your mouth shut!" She then straightens herself up as the men let her go. "The problem, Sarah, is that nobody tunes in every Tuesday to see MY hair." She points to the posters as she continues. "They tune in to see HER hair, and HER hair, and HER hair, all whipping around while she kills some vampires and necks with others, but now they can't see that because the woman who portrays her now looks like Rachel Leigh Cook in 'Josie and the Pussycats'!!"

Sarah just looks at her for a minute, then says "You are so high strung. Maybe a day at a great spa will help. You should come with me when I take a break from filming next week."

"Wait...you know when you'll be taking a break a week in advance?" Beth says.

"You misunderstand. I'm taking the week off from filming. Toodles!" She smiles and leaves, and Martin and Tucker feel it's safe to take their eyes off of Cordy for a moment.

"I swear," she growls, "next week, the vampire WINS!!"

"You swear that every week, Cordy." Tucker says.

"Yeah, but THIS week I'm going out to find a real one!" She shakes her head then rushes out. "I've got to get back to the meeting."

"Say hello to 'Hinky' for us!" Beth jokes. The look she gets is a warning that Cordy is not amused.

When Cordy is gone, Martin looks right at Beth and says "So...not interested in being able to walk anymore, huh?" This makes Tucker laugh and makes Beth and Nigel nervous...

_Cue Bumper Music, Scene fades out_


	3. Act 2, Scene 3

**Disclaimer:** Angel and all related characters are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions, Inc., Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises and Twentieth Century-Fox Television. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the delay. Ironically, I started this because I thought it would be fun and quick to write, but I got hung up with other stuff. Enjoy, and keep up the feedback!

* * *

**Cordy!**

**By Darrin Colbourne**

_Scene Three:_

The meeting is over and Cordy is escorting Hinton and his agent Morris out through a reception area. They pass by receptionists and other visitors milling around as they discuss the musical. "...And we should have the spoken portions of the script banged out by next week," Cordy is saying as they walk through a dark wood-paneled hallway and end up by a bathroom door. "Here we go. This is the Executive Washroom."

Tucker comes down the hall from the other direction as Hinton notices the sign on the door has both "Men" and "Women" symbols. "It's Unisex." He says.

"Yes, it is." Cordy says, smiling. "It's the latest trend with office buildings nowadays."

"Yeah," Tucker says, "it's amazing how quickly a trend like that will spread when the building owners and the architects realize they only have to pay for half the usual number of working toilets."

Cordy turns to Tucker, still smiling, but hissing through her teeth: "Tucker, don't make me hurt you." Then she turns back to Hinton and talks normally. "It's closed to the public, but I have a key. I can just let you in and you'll be all set."

"While you're in there, Hinton," Morris says, "I'll try to get in touch with Sidney and we'll figure out how to publicize this for you."

"Good idea, Morris." Hinton says as Cordy unlocks the bathroom and opens the door.

"Let me know if you need help with anything." Cordy says as he enters.

"I think he's used one of these things once or twice." Tucker says, causing Hinton to smile and Morris to chuckle as he turns on his cell phone. Only Cordy isn't amused, and she lets Tucker know it with a glare.

"I'll be fine." Hinton says as he closes the door behind him. Cordy nods, then shakes her finger at Tucker with a scolding look on her face.

Morris looks at his cell phone in confusion, then says to Cordy: "The cell must be down. Is there a phone here I can use?"

"Sure," Cordy says, "my office is nearby." She points as she gives directions. "Go right at the end of this hall, through the glass doors, then it's on the right. Dial '9' to get an outside line."

"Thanks. Tell Hinton where I am if I don't get back before he's out." With that Morris leaves Cordy and Tucker alone in the hall, giving Cordy a chance to vent.

"What are you doing out here," Cordy whines, "and what are you trying to do to me??"

"I just wanted to use the john." Tucker says. "I didn't know emptying my bladder would disrupt the great karmic chess game that is your career."

Cordy looks confused for a second, then gives an embarrassed chuckle. "I've been really bad, haven't I?"

"I've seen worse." He says. "The day you pitched the 'Buffy dies while fighting the Valley Girl Goddess' idea you sweated enough to douse the brush fires in Northern California."

"True," She says, "but seeing Sarah laying there like a corpse was a great payoff. Look, I know I'm obsessing a little, but if this works out I may have singlehandedly saved what could have been one of the corniest episodes we've ever done. A professional singer/dancer is going to really bring out the best in the rest of the cast, and really accentuate Joss's lyrics. This is going to be one of the high points of my career, the episode where Cordy Chapman stepped up to the plate and gave the series one of its biggest hits!"

There's a pause as Cordy smiles, picturing the glory in her head, then Tucker says: "You realize you won't get an ounce of credit for it..."

Cordy immediately comes down to Earth. "Of course I won't." She says. "You know, I wish I could parlay a second-rate box-office flop starring has been actors into a multi-million-dollar media empire, that includes a long-running series, book tie-ins, video games, soundtracks, comic books, action figures and all the adulation the drooling masses can heap on a little nerd with a cheerleaders-and-fangs fetish. Then I could be the one on all the talk shows, getting big screenplay contracts, and suing all those little urchins that write fanfiction based on my stuff! But NOOOO! I get to be the galley slave of that self-same nerd, running his errands, letting him take credit for my genius, and playing 'babysitter' for his star, 'Sarah: the Staff-Writer Torturer'!"

"Cooooo-rrrdy!" Sarah's voice calls out as she trots down the hall toward Cordy and Tucker.

"And speak of the demon!" Cordy says as Sarah comes to an almost-stop right in front of her. Sarah can barely stand still, crossing her legs, bobbing up and down and rubbing her hands on her thighs. "What's the matter?" Cordy says as she watches.

Sarah answers in a rush. "Long script-read...too much bottled water...wetting pants...give me your key!"

Cordy looks exasperated. "Sarah! Joss has given you like five of the things! What did you do with the latest one?"

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe I lost it in some girl's hair when I was practicing for the kissing scene in 'Cruel Intentions'!"

"Well, what were you doing? Trying to heighten the experience by 'keying' your name in her scalp?"

"C'mon, Cordy," Tucker says, "give the girl a break."

"Yeah," Sarah says, "give the girl a break! I'd do the same for you."

"No you wouldn't." Cordy says. "In fact, you didn't. Remember that time last month when I begged you for your key?"

"I couldn't help that! I would have let you use my key! I just couldn't find it!"

"Yeah, there was no real harm done." Tucker says.

"That's easy for you to say." Cordy says, then adds wistfully. "I really liked those stretch pants."

Sarah's exasperated as she says: "Cordy, I'll buy you a thousand pairs of stretch pants and the plastic surgery to make them look great if you will pleeeeeeeze let me use your key before I erupt!"

Cordy looks disgusted but gives in. "Fine!" She says as she hands over the key. "But don't--"

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Sarah says as she snatches the key and tries to open the door. She rattles it around for a second or two, then freezes. "Uh-oh..." She says.

"What's 'Uh-oh' ?!" Cordy says.

Sarah talks to Tucker as she rises up slowly. "Um, Tucker, do you have a key? Preferably one that's long and really, really skinny?" She turns to face them as she stands with her legs crossed, and holds up the head of Cordy's key.

Cordy snatches it from her and glares at it. "You broke the key in the lock!"

"Um...yeah, kinda." Sarah says, sheepishly.

Then Cordy turns on her and growls through her teeth: "You broke the KEY IN THE LOCK!!"

It's difficult for Sarah to back away without opening her legs, but she manages to get a few paces before Tucker moves to calm Cordy down. "Okay, let's not panic. All we have to do is call Building Maintenance and they'll send someone to fix the lock. In the meantime, if Sarah can hold out, we just have to wait until--"

Tucker is cut off by the sound of someone trying to open the bathroom door. A few rattles show that the door is locked shut. There's a knock from the other side, making everyone look toward the bathroom.

"Hello!" Hinton calls from the inside. "Is something wrong out there? I think this door is jammed."

Sarah shrinks back as Tucker and Cordy turn back and glare at her, with Cordy looking ready to kill.

"Nice going, Blondie!" Cordy says. "You just locked our big guest star in the bathroom!"

_Cue Bumper Music, Cut to Commercial_


	4. Act 3, Scenes 4 and 5

**Disclaimer:** Angel and all related characters are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions, Inc., Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises and Twentieth Century-Fox Television. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.

**Author's Note:** I know, I know...I've been keeping you in suspense too long. Don't worry. The show's nearly over.

* * *

**Cordy!**

**by Darrin Colbourne**

_Scene Four:_

It's crowded in front of the bathroom near Cordy's office. Cordy and Hinton's agent Morris are pacing anxiously back and forth in front of the door. Tucker is crouched down, trying to free up the lock. Sarah is braced against the wall to the left of the door, her right leg wrapped around her left and her face a study in desperate agony.

Everyone's attention is drawn to Nigel when he approaches from the direction of the office. Cordy and Morris stop pacing as the intern draws close to talk to Cordy. "I just got off the phone with Building Maintenance. They say it'll be another half-hour before they can get someone here to look at the lock."

"A half-hour??" Sarah cries.

"What's the hold-up?" Cordy says.

"The bunnies from the Magic Box scenes in 'Tabula Rasa' got loose. They broke out of our lot and are all over Soundstage 36. All our guys are over there rounding them up."

"Wait a second," Tucker says as he stands up, "Soundstage 36? Isn't that where George Lucas is doing some of the interior shots for his new movie?"

"That's the place." Nigel says. "Jedi Masters Yoda and Mace Windu are now facing the dreaded Darth Cottontail and his army of Sith Rabbits!"

Cordy puts her head in her hand and groans. Tucker covers his mouth as he starts to laugh. Sarah rolls her eyes in exasperation.

"There's no way I'll be able to hold it for another half-hour!!" She says. "What am I gonna do?"

Cordy turns on Sarah with an exasperated look of her own. "Y'know, I don't know why you're torturing yourself like this." She says. "There's a perfectly good bathroom around the bend and down the hall!"

"That's a public bathroom, Cordy!" Sarah whines. "I can't use a public bathroom! Every time I do I get hounded by my adoring public! I always spend more time signing autographs than I do peeing! It's always 'Sign this, Buffy' or 'Sign that, Buffy' and there I am getting Writer's Cramp and jiggling around like a ten-year-old kid after an All-You-Can-Drink Slurpee promotion! It's like a personal appearance staged by the Farelly Brothers!"

Cordy only just restrains herself from putting her hands around Sarah's throat. She takes a deep breath. "Fine!" She says. "Tucker, would you please escort 'Betsy Wetsy' here to the bathroom down the hall and make sure she's not accosted by the mind-numbed robots we call our 'viewing audience'?"

Tucker sighs and walks over to Sarah. "Sure. Come on, Sarah. I'll get you in okay."

Sarah winces. "I don't think I could make it walking." She then gets a "puppy dog" look on her face. "Carry Me?"

Tucker frowns, looks at Cordy and says "If she doesn't make it, you're covering my dry cleaning expenses for the next month." Cordy agrees with a wave of her arm as Tucker scoops Sarah up in his arms and dashes down the hall.

Morris goes over to the door and knocks. "How are you doing in there, Hinton?" He calls through the door.

"Oh, just fine." Hinton calls back. "Did you know they have 'Buffy-The Vampire Slayer' toilet paper in here? It's amazing! You'd think it would be Mutant Enemy's competitors wiping themselves with the company's most profitable franchise."

Morris looks over at Cordy. "Y'know, he's got a point." He says.

Cordy bows her head a little. "It was my idea." She says quietly. "It was the first season, I was full of silly ideas...I'd just met Sarah..."

"Hey," Nigel says, "how long has he been in there?"

"About ten minutes." Cordy says.

"Hope he's not in there too long." Nigel says. "I was locked in a closet in my house once and that was no fun."

"How'd you end up locked in a closet?" Morris says.

"That's just what the police asked me when they came to let me out." Nigel says. "My mom gave them some B-S story about me and a couple'a joints and a small...well, medium...lawn fire...but it's really cause they were abusive!"

"Don't encourage him." Cordy says to Morris.

"What?" Nigel says. "I'm just saying! He might be in there for a long time! You gotta think about some things."

"Like what?" Cordy says.

"Like...well...what if he has to go to the bathroom?"

Cordy and Morris stare at the intern as if he were from Venus. "Nigel," Cordy says, "RENT an attention span, okay??! Better yet, go help the maintenance guys round up the Bunny Brigade so they can get here faster!"

Nigel rushes off to do Cordy's bidding as Cordy turns to the door. "Hinton, I'm sooo sorry this happened! Listen, anything you need me to do to make it up to you, you just ask!"

"Look, Cordy," Hinton says, "all will be forgiven if you can get me out of here in the next ten minutes! I've got an important meeting to get to!"

"He's right." Morris says. "We've got some investors and a big producer lined up to put on his one man show, but we've got to finalize some things today or we'll have to enter a new round of negotiations."

"Well...if they're interested now I'm sure working out a new deal won't take too long." Cordy says.

"No, but the only other chance they'll have to talk is right about the time Hinton will have to start filming here. I'm afraid he wouldn't be able to do your show."

Cordy gasps and her eyes bug out wide. "Hinton, stand back!! I'm breaking it down!!" She yells at the door.

"Are you nuts?!" Morris says. "That door's oak!"

"Yeah?" Cordy says. "Well, I just had a vision! It involved my career going up in flames! No way is that coming true without a fight!" With that, Cordy gives a primal scream and charges shoulder first at the door.

_Scene cuts..._

_Scene Five:_

Cordy's arm is being put into a sling by the company nurse while a Maintenance Guy works on the door. Morris, Martin and Nigel are standing around watching with Cordy.

"Got it!" The Maintenance Guy says. He pulls out the broken key and pockets it, then stands up. "Try it now, Mr. Battle!"

The door opens from the other side, and Hinton Battle walks out unscathed. Everyone gives a little cheer as Hinton shakes hands with the Maintenance Guy. Cordy offers him her good hand.

"Thanks so much for coming so quick." Cordy says with a smile.

"My pleasure." Maintenance Guy says. "I'll have a new key for you this afternoon. Want me to leave this open?"

"Just for right now. Everyone has a key but me, and I might want to pee, or hurl or drown myself or something. Whatever it takes to wash this day away."

Everyone chuckles at that, and the Maintenance Guy leaves.

"That was good timing." Morris says. "Hinton, if we burn a little rubber we can probably make it to that meeting."

"We'll get moving soon." Hinton says, then offers Cordy his hand. "Cordy, it's been a real experience." They both chuckle at that. "I think your boyfriend was right, though. You ought have someone check those visions of yours for defects."

"I'll be sure to do that." Cordy says. With that, Morris and Hinton say goodbye to the others and leave.

"Martin, Nigel," Cordy says, "nice job getting the maintenance guy here so quick."

"Well, it was easy when we promised him that Special Project Bonus." Martin says.

"There's no such thing as a Special Project Bonus." Cordy says.

"And it's your job to either explain that to him or find a way to get him one." Martin says.

"We...kinda told him you'd push it through." Nigel says.

Cordy just shakes her head in exasperation. "Fine, fine, I'll handle it." She says. With that Martin and Nigel leave and Cordy goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

A few seconds later Sarah and Tucker return to the area of the bathroom door. Sarah has a smile on her face and a spring in her step. "Thanks again for taking me, Tucker. I feel so much better. Aren't you glad you got to go, too?"

"Yes, I am," Tucker says, "and I appreciate you asking me to help you gauge the amount of gloss you have on while I was going."

"I value your opinion." Sarah says, matter-of-factly, then looks around. "Where'd everybody go?"

Tucker looks around as well, then checks the lock. "The lock looks fine. They must have gotten Hinton Battle out."

"Of course," Sarah says, "for him they rush. Say...Tucker, let me have your key!"

"Excuse me?!!" Tucker says. "I don't think so!"

"C'mon, Tucker. Cordy's probably in the office. I don't want her to think I'm a total spaz. I just want to open the door the right way and show her I can do it. Come on...pretty please?"

Tucker thinks about it a moment. "I know I'm gonna regret this." He says as he turns it over.

"Thank you!" Sarah says, beaming. She rushes to the door and puts the key in the lock. Her arm moves as she turns the key...then suddenly freezes.

"Uh, Tucker," she says, "promise you won't be mad?"

"Sarah...!" Tucker says in a menacing tone.

Sarah says nothing else as she brings up the head of the key. The rest, naturally, is stuck in the lock. Tucker slaps his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Twice in one day??!!!" He bellows.

Sarah tries to calm him down. "It's okay! It's okay! Um...w-we'll just find the guy who got the other one out and get this fixed before anybody finds out. I mean, it's not like somebody's stuck in there anymore, right?"

Both of them freeze as the sound of someone trying to open the door from the inside hits them. They stare at each other as the person tries several times, then knocks on the door.

"Hello!" The person calls out. Sarah and Tucker slowly turn their heads toward the door when they realize it's Cordy. "Is somebody out there?" She calls as she tries to open the door again. "I think this door is jammed again! Hello!! What's happening out there?"

Cordy is pounding on the door when Tucker puts his head in his hand and Sarah sneaks away on her tiptoes.

"Is anybody out there?!!" Cordy calls as she pounds. "Martin?...Tucker!...Maintenance Guy?...SAAARRRAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

_Scene Fades, Cut to Commercial_


	5. Finale

**Disclaimer:** Angel and all related characters are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions, Inc., Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises and Twentieth Century-Fox Television. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.

* * *

**Cordy!**

**by Darrin Colbourne**

_Final Scene, Closing Credits Roll:_

"We'll win the day," The characters of "Buffy" sing, "We'll Sacrifice...It's do or die..."

"Hey, I've died twice..." Buffy solos

"Not nearly enough times." Cordy says under her breath. Beth shushes her as they continue to watch the finished episode in the viewing room.

"Y'know, this ep isn't so bad after all." Tucker says.

"Yeah," Martin says, "it is pretty good. 'Course, it'd be better if the girls were in those chorus line costumes that they had in the musicals back in the old days."

"They just don't make entertainment like they used to." Tucker says. "Now, 'Guys and Dolls', that was a real musical..."

"Oh, would you two shut up?" Cordy says. "God, in another minute you'll be picking out China patterns. This is not a 'good' episode! We've only been watching for ten minutes and I already want to gouge out my eyes and cut off my ears!"

"Hey, Cordy," a male voice calls from out of view. "C'mon over! We want to get your take on the next number."

Suddenly Cordy smiles brightly. "Sure thing, Joss!" She calls back. "Loving it so far." Then her face reverts to normal, and just before she leaves she says under her breath: "I wonder if the producers of 'Charmed' are hiring?"

_Fade to Black_


End file.
